Let's Do the Time-Warp Again.

Iarnród Éireann has overcome the laws of time-space. No, really.

In a masterful demonstration of subtle genius, the wily transport company test-ran their CERN-sponsored (probably) invention on Saturday 28 November just before 1pm.

Were you on the platform at Bayside waiting for the 12.50 train? If so, you were an unknowing participant in one of the greatest scientific breakthrough experiments in history: making a moving train remain five minutes away from the station for eighteen minutes without any of the passengers noticing anything amiss. One Dublin man who was speaking on the phone to his girlfriend on the southbound train at the time of the incident did however notice that she seemed to be speaking "very slowly indeed".

Unfortunately no-one from Iarnród Éireann was available to comment on the incident, nor on future plans for this new technology, although a source close to the head of CIE has made reference to a secret meeting that took place last week with the Russian ambassador and has expressed concerns that CIE are perhaps not aware that this technology might potentially be exploited for more than rail timetabling purposes. The Kremlin has yet to comment.